In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
