puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize