Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
