omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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