Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
