there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize