I need to stop coming to work sober
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
