I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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