READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im part way to drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
