Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
