then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
