Farmville is her only friend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
