hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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