this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize