I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
