Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
