Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
