The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
