I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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