i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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