I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
