Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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