I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
