It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
