i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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