Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
