It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
