Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
