Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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