Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
