think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
