Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
