are you still at the devil's house?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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