If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
