sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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