i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
