I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
