MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
