we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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