Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
