East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
