We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize