Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize