Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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