the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
