Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
