...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
