You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
