We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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