i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
