What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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