Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
