it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize