Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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