Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
