They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize