i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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