im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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