you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
