Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
