There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i have two assholes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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