I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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