We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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