This is not my ceiling
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
