i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
