I hate your face
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
