She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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