I think I am morally bankrupt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
