My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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